Daily Da Doo...

Well I got some good news from the hubby's PO, the halfway house has agreed to accept him so now all we gotta do is wait and see what happens on the 17th and go from there. If all goes according to plan and the charges get thrown out than all we gotta do is wait on the parole board to make their decision which Im sure will be a decent one on the basis of if the charges get thrown out. Damnnn I miss him so fucking much, it's killin' me not to be with him. Well things seem to be atleast starting to iron themselves out so that makes me happy...thank heavens for that. Well Im absolutely pooped tonight...think Im not even gunna bother having a shower and just stay hot and smelly and oily lol, cause Id prolly fall asleep and drown in the tub lmfao. Well I have nothing more to say today except I took the kiddies to the splash pad and they had a great time wearing their dollar store string bikinis haha, and I took them to go to Autumns 9 month check up and she had to re start her acid reflux meds because its acting up again but she weighs in at 16.9lbs and is otherwise on the top of the charts for a healthy lil fart just like Mackenzie who is 24.2 lbs....my pudgy bunnies. Well take care y'all Im not in the mood to type alot and focus on anything like this today, Im pooped and I think my blood sugar is starting to suck ass. Well bye, for the 100th time because Im tired and keep repating myself....I love and miss you Sean and we will be back together very soon, I promise baby!
Sam xoxoxoxo

The reason I never wrote yesterday is because it was Seany and I's 2nd wedding anniversary and hes wasnt here with me because he's still 'in' and I took it real hard. I miss you so much baby and I hope we can atleast spend august 8th together for our 3rd year together...that'd be wonderful and def hopefully for your and our babies birthdays atleast. Im doing everything to make this go smoothly but I only have limited control. Heres to hoping you'll read this before our 3rd year annoversary and you'll be sitting here with me. I love you Sean with all my heart and soul! See you very soon babe!
Sam.
xoxox.

Out n About

Well I went out and about today and i took the kids to burger king and the dollar store, had fun. Some pics finally got sent out to my husband from Fred which is also awesome. My anxiety is terrible again today like usual. Chest pain, dizziness...you name it, I got it. Bullshit is all. I have to take my girls to the doc tomorrow because its Autumn's 9 molnth check up!Cant wait to see how much she weighs now! The poor thing rolled about 2.5 feet off the spare bed today, I felt like such a terrible ass...she conked her lil head, gotta keep an eye on her close for awhile but Im pretty sure that shes peachy so thats what counts. shes smily and full of energy like her usual little self so Im glad for that. Damnnear killed me when I saw shed fallen off onto the floor. I was so scared something terrible might have happened...I picked her up so fast...poor little hunny, its just so sad to see the little ones get hurt like that because there just so little and helpless and you feel so guilty. Well I am counting down the days until July 17th so I can see what happens at my hubbys court case! I really hope that it gets cleared up soon. Im sick of this no contact crap and I just miss him so much its killin' me inside. Our little girls are just going into daddy withdrawl. Hell I want that man back here more than anything...damn I love and am so IN LOVE with you Sean!! I wanna hold ya again babes! Im not going anywhere though I'll wait as long as it takes because your worth the wait....more than worth it *hugs n kisses* Cant wait till you can read all of these posts! Well I dont know much else what to say on here today...the girls got in a huge fight before bed and pulled hair and bit and like tortured eachother,lmao it was pretty funny. I dont even wanna know whats gunna happen when they BOTH are walking...Macky is but Autmn isnt yet ... man thats gunna be lotsa fun breaking up cat fights lol. Well thats really all....take care...
Sam.

My B-Day!!

Today is your hypo queen's birthday, just so yah know...whether ya care or not is completely upto you. Im having a huge hypo moment right now because My gramma took me shopping for two house plants I wanted and I brought them home,repotted them and than went to look up some care instructions for them on the net....and whilst doing so found that they're quite TOXIC...as in throat swelling,rash,respiratory problems,circulationm problems ...burning mouth and throat blindness to name a few! I cant believe these demons are in my house!! I also cant believe the nursery had them down so low where kids could get to them!!MENTAL!! Im gunna call them and give em a piece of my mind tomorrow thats for sure. The irresponsible bastards and I got two kids too....not so much as a warning on them or anything...and were soo close to the floor anyone coulda got to them...geez.Well I didnt get a hell of alot of birthday cards today for my birthday even though I get everyone else one...I got ONE card today! I got to spend it with my kids though :) which makes me super happy but my little Mackenzie has a rotten cough. Gotta get her some cough syrup tomorrow while Im out. Mom says shes got my birthday present for me tomorrow! YAY! The best present of all will be getting to touch and talk to my husband again soon though...spending my bday without him sucks...and tomorrow is our 2 year wedding anniversary.....which we will be separated for too. Im so upset about that... and damnn I hope hes atleast home for august 8th which is our 3 year anniversary of being together. I love and miss him soo much. I cant wait to hold ya again baby.

Went to the docs today and he said my throat looked fine and told me to get some cough syrup for the little one. She was so cute she stood between his knees and held his hand the whole time we were there, she loves Dr.Sohn for some reason, its adorable. He`s a good guy though so I can see why she takes a liking to him over some of her other doctors. I told him that Ive had nothing but bad reactions to the meds hes given me thus far so I denied another try to help with the flashbaks and nightmares of the rape incident. So he told me to try and go to the buddhist place downtown and meditate or learn to meditate on my own and sign up for yoga or something which I was thinking of doing anyways(the yoga thing, that is)....so I think I just might test that theory since Ive tested so many damned unsuccessful meds already. I hear my little girl coughing now over the baby monitor,so sad...poor hunny ... I hate when they hafta go through stuff like that. They`re just too tiny and innocent for that. Well not much else to say for today, just the typical heart attack, Im dying fit that I have every day and it sucks ass and now I have to put up with the fact that I,Unknowingly, bought toxic house plants,ughhh,probably gunna pitch em or give em to someone who enjoys toxic decorations. Well enough for now. Im gunna go and check my little girl...hearing her cough is so heartbreaking. Poor baby. Ciao for now,
Sam
ps: Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me,happpppy birthday dear meeee,happy birthday dear meeee ....haha peace out hypotown ;)

Im Exhausted!

I am soo exhausted. I went in to check on my girls at midnight lastnight and Autumn was awake sitting up and ready to play and have a midnight snack. She finally went back to sleep at 3:30am. Than Mackenzie slapped me in the side of the head at 5:30 'mamaaaa mamaaa'. Lol she went back to sleep at 6am and woke again at 7:30am. So practically no sleep for moi lastnight. So Im exhausted and the stress is really getting me because of that,lol, but I still love them dearly hehe, thats my lil angels. Its my birthday tomorrow, the BIG 22!!Haha! Sucks though that I gotta spend it without my husband:( But I still got my girlies to spend it with. So thats good. Wish Sean was here though. Im counting down the days until the prelim on the 17th of this month and Im hoping it all goes the way it should and that we can soon get back together and have him out of that shit hole referred to as Maplehurst!Ugh.
Well I dont really know what to type about tonight, Im exhausted and Im listening to music and tryna relax. So I'll tell ya how I feel now in hypo language ;)

Its like this...
My neck muscles are killing me and I am paranoid about that haha, my chest did some weird tightning thing a couple of times already today and I have been getting jaw and arm pain along with lightheadedness and nausea so Im freaking that Im having a heart attack as usual even though I know the odds are stacked up AGAINST that idea. As I mentioned its my birthday tomorrow and as a special present to myself I have a doctors appointment so I can go and express all of my ridiculous complaints and get yet some more peace of mind for a week atleast..(I say a week but it probably wont last much farther than the office exit door). Well thats all I got to say today ..ohh wait I forgot!i have shortness of breath too!So tonights prolly gunna be another ativan night ...my head hurts too. I know thats an aweful lot of ailments but hell what can I say in my mind thats what keeps it going I suppose. So I hope you all enjoyed my posting of the day regardless of how BoRiNg it was...*ooh the head and jaw pain and chest weirdness again* I cant wait till docs tomorrow and Im sure I'll have a post about how that went too! Take care and I'll ttyl guys.
Your hypo Queen,
Sam <3

ps: Love ya with all my heart and soul Sean, you'll be home again soon, I just know it!

Great Day and a Pissy Night...

So I had a wonderful day today, took my girls to the park and our doggy too. Had a good time....my sister and uncle and grammy came too, that makes it better. We spent over 2 hours out and it was a beautiful day out. Most of the day went relatively well. Than of course tonight happened....about an hour ago...

The sister of my husband and of his brother(who beautified my drink and took advantage of me as in RAPE) decided that she was going to try and tell me that IM the terrible person who wants to ruin lives because I called the cops on who we will call 'perv-man' to protect his identity(not that I want to but its for the better). So apparently now its unjustified to call the cops on a rapist simply because 'perv-man' denies it...(dont they all?)...Well all I can say is screw her and screw nayone who wants to try to fuck around with my life....have the nerve to say Im fucking with hers when I was a victim of a sadistic attack quite frankly...what does she know about life ruining. Than she went on rambling how she hates the way I treat her and her dad(never hurt them before,cept call the cops) and how she never liked me and how I never bring the kids up to see her....god damn they have the car whats there excuse?!And she wants to talk about decency she hasnt even so much as wrote my hubby(her beloved brother) a fucking letter in the 2 mos hes been in or joined his facebook support group. I deleted ALL of the losers now! I cant stand people of this type. I am now uberly convinced that they are all fucked.
I used to be nicey nice girl who wanted to make up with everyone and take their feelings into account even when they didn't take mine...but I think thats what makes my stress worse so from now on if ya wanna wrongly fuck with me anyone, bye bye because Im doing some serious spring clean up in my life. Byebye Sarah,Rob,Dean,Dan,Jazz,Liz,Courtney and whoever else wants to fuck with the hypo queen. Because ME AND MY FAMILY are my #1's and the friends who are actually friends. I have zero times for fakes and losers.

I'll end this with an I love you Sean Mackenzie and Autumn. I love the rest of my family and my true friends...always will. Especially you, Tracy, they dont come better than you as a friend and Valarie and Teresa. FUCK ALL THE PHONIES THOUGH!FUCK ALL THE LOSERS!FUCK ANYONE WHO WANTS TO ATTEMPT TO DETERIORATE ALL THAT I STAND FOR.

Im not perfect, Im a hypochondriac, Im guilty of many not so nice acts Im sure and I'll admit it. But Im a damn good mom,friend and I'll continue to stand strong with or without anyone by my side.You cant kick what doesnt fall down...so take your boots off! HELLO TRUTH, GOODBYE LIES.

Sam..

ps-hypo update lol, I got a sore in my mouth that freakin me out cause I think its cancer...so Im not totally sane yet...bahahahahaha, just thought Id add that for all you hypos to be sure that Im still hypo as ever and if I cant get ridda it I'll just make a joke of it and make me and you all laugh!Hypo ROCKS!

......xx again, Sam.

The Most Beautiful Flower :)

Time for some positive thoughts from your hypo queen. I have aquired what I believe to be one of if not THE most BEAUTIFUL flower I've ever laid my eyes upon..

Chrysanthemums, often called 'mums', are a genus (Chrysanthemum) of about 30 species of perennial flowering plants in the family Asteraceae, native to Asia and northeastern Europe.

Had to add a description and some pics....damn thing cost me 3 bucks for just one. DAMN, but shes beautiful!!.....that is until she shrivels up and goes brown in 5 weeks. But than Ill have another colored one to post pics that make me look scary. LOL had to add the one where I look like Im going bisurk(sp?) eating the flower haha! Hypo queen needs the humour and Im sure you guys love the laugh too. Well thats all for now folks and thanks once again for signing up for HYPO central and checking me out again. Tell all of your friends because afterall my fans keep me sane...and yes believe it or not although Im strange I am still LEGALLY sane. Lets keep it that way...bring me some more people so I can continue to amuse you all. This blog really helps me vent and makes me feel much better so Im glad I have you guys. Cant wait to see what the hubby says when he gets out and sees my funny ass blogs. It really is stress relieving. WoOt!

Talk later,

Your Hypo Senorita,

Sam ;)

Gunna clear up some things...

Okay, so John didnt block and delete me, he has just been away from the computer to better his anxiety and it turns out that my rude remark on his blog lost him a job...and it proves once again how I jump to conclusions. Afterall thats why my beloved husband is sitting in the clinker right now. So now I can definitely see it clearer thats for damned sure. So once again John, Im sorry. Everything has been getting to me lately and I just dont take chances on trusting or giving anyone the benefit of the doubt because on June 19th when I Gave the hubbys brother that, it didnt get me very far very fast...well it did but not in the direction one would hope for.
Well my throat still gosh darn hurts like a biznatch and everyone keeps telling me to go to the doctors so Im going to go on Monday to see him,lol. And reluctantly to because for once in my life I actually have been avoiding going(weird for my hypo self, I usually love that place). But on a differnt opinion the reason Im not going isnt because I dont absolutely adore the doctors office but because my hyponess has taken the dirty road and Im convinced Im going to be diagnosed with a sickning illness...niccce....you can do the rest of the math!

Figured it out..

My 'friend' John decided to block and delete me from everything. I dont need to be used and chucked at anyones earliest convenience when Ive done nothing but try my best to help. To hell with you if you wanna be an inconsiderate asshole John.

Its been a month...EXACTLY!

Ok so its been exactly ONE month since I did ANY sort of updating on this blog which Im sure you all dont care either way lol but I do. My hubby is going for a preliminary hearing on July 17th and it is sounding like the charges will get thrown out, atleast thats what we are all hoping for. Having a no contact order sucks since only other people can talk to him EVEN on MY phone which I pay for but I cant even account for ANY of those calls....but hey it feels good just to know that somebody is talking to him to help him bide his time in there and for me to atleast know that he is okay...thats the main thing for me. Other than that I just wanna work on getting him out and home to me and our 2 beautiful daughters who miss him as much as he does us. DAMN my fucking anxiety for putting him in there to begin with. Now lets talk a little about my anxiety and how thats going considering I know that thats what everyone wants updates on...Im going to switch colours now to start the hypo freak update ... lmfao.

Okay so first and foremost I gotta ask, JOHN my hypo friend where the HELL have you dissapeared to?GOD damn who or what made you dissapear all of a sudden. Hopefully nothing bad has happened to you and hopefully you didnt get overwhelmed and put into a padded room or something from having a hypo moment(cause heyy bro I know a couple people who'd do that to me). Joking okay but on a serious note...if you see this and are reading it at some point atleast tell me that your alive. Like damnnn send a smoke signal or something.HAHA.

Well my hypochondria is pretty unstable at the moment unfortunately because of everything that has went on and on top of all that I have an undisclosed being who decided to take it upon himself to get sexually friendly with me against my will and I was too looped to do anything about it. Love the drugs especially when your like me and dont do them unless someone feeds them to you in a beverage. Your going to hell for that buddy,why would you? Thats been killing me but it has been dealt with ... well its in the right process of being dealt with atleast. SO that and my hubbys court has been really stressing me because now Ill have two court cases to deal with....hoping my hubby gets out and hoping my other friend goes in. And I mean friend VERY saracastically. But enough of that Im sure you all want to know what has been actually happening specifically WITH my hypochondria. Well I get chest pains all the time again...and you get it surely heart disease. I get flashbacks from my unfortunate moment, surely my body shutting down from a stroke, again you get it. And now I have aquired a sore throat which has been harassing me on and off for about a week accompanied by some little minor bump in my left tonsil which you get it is surely convincing me I have cancer. On top of all that my successes with avoiding medical advice and self diagnosis on the internet has come to a screeching crash and burn. I have been looking at all the diseases and fatal illnesses and everything all over again on top of that Im obsessed with the future of my family because of the effects of the rape. Ive been stressed to wits end about how many people get off on rape charges and am very fearful of having him return into my life again some how. Scary shit I'll tell ya. I constantly experience flashbacks, constantly fear for my safety from him and think hes around,have nightmares and convince myself even though hes a couple hours away that hes gunna barge down my hallway any minute and get me or get me while Im sleeping. I donno how much more I can take peeps. Be Right Back, going to go check on my daughter.

Feels like my life is over but really its just beginning with a very rough start, Ive been in several relationships in my life and thought some were love. But I think that even though we have had our ups and downs that By far Ive never truly experienced love until now with my husband Sean. This situation we have where my stupidity put him in jail has actually helped me define how much he means to me in reality and how much he means to this family. It has showed me that my life is definitely not better off without him and that after all our stupid little arguements and wanting to leave eachother at times I know now how much we are meant to be together, it took this...us being apart...forcefully separated to find this out. Dont get me wrong I knew I loved him always but not until this did I realize how much it really meant, how in love with him I really was, how much he means to our daughters and how incomplete things feel with him not around. It has given me the strength I needed all through this to fight because I have no doubts now that this is SERIOUSLY worth fighting for. He's my EVERYTHING!!!I just wanna shout it to the world.And of course my children are my everything too, my darling little girls..mommy loves you with all her heart and soul and daddy too!!

Just had to get that out. *sigh* I want him home so bad man. Its hurting me so bad...to not have him here and to witness the hurt in my two little angels' eyes when he never comes home anymore and they cant understand whats going on and maybe think in there precious little brains hes gone for good. When Mackenzie my oldest whos 21 mos looks at her dads picture and says 'all gone' to me and cries. When Autumn our youngest 9 mos says 'dada' and cries for him...ohh the pain Im tellin ya.

I guess I might as well tell you too that I got a new tatty of 3 lillies with my 3 most important peoples names around them on my calf; Sean(my hubby),Mackenzie and Autumn(our precious baby girls). Even though I had a blood poisoning and AIDS scare lmao...it was totally worth it. One of the most awesome decisions I ever made, never regret it, <3

Well I might just start updating this daily even if only for a short while because I want my baby(Sean) to be able to read it when he gets out so he can see how much he means to me on top of me expressing it of course hehe. Well talk to you guys later and thanks for reading if you actually did....

Sincerely,

"The Hypo Queen"

Sam.

ps: the tat was just done on june 26th and i took the pic just now so its kinda scabby lmao but itll give u an idea...awesome comment away!

Lifes been hell aside from a few perks.

Ok believe me I know, its been an eternity since I wrote up a blog for all of my hypo fans and thats just not cool,lol. Well I haven't been having the greatest time lately. The last blog I wrote was on May 7th and on that same night me and my hubby had a mild tiff that my anxiety helped me blow out of proportion and got him arrested on May8th and I have been without him ever since as he is still incarcerated. I feel terrible and our daughters are really upset about not having him here and so am I. Its been really sticky because of him being on parole and man did my stupid thinking patterns get the shit stirred. To top all that off Ive been feeling not at my best lately and my poor husband is sick in there and man I wish I hadnt have done that. The stress that my kids are under over it just kills me inside and I try to stay strong. The fact that my stupidity is causing me a 3000.00 lawyer bill that I cant afford is another stressor. And the worries about how court is going to go is also a stressor...and the fact that they placed a 'no contact' order on him so we cant speak is killing me inside too. So lemme tell all of you out there if you ever have a problem with ur partner make sure you think before you involve the authorities because they make matters worse otherwise. Because basically my baby is in there for nothing but my bullshit and there undoubtful want to get ahold of him just because he has a past criminal record....I think they just want to fill up the jails sometimes I swear. I dont think they take my familys feeling even into account because they are so selfish that since its not their family they dont give a crap about it. Must be a wonderful life to be able to destroy innocent families and not give a shit. What a heartless job. I could never do it. So yah Im angry and I want my baby home. I miss him and love him so much its not even funny...lifes just not the same without him here to light up my life again. He makes it home here and now theres a part of our family missing with him not around and its a very large part of it too. Our kids need their daddy and although we dont always get along like romeo and juliet I miss him terribly because 3 yrs now weve been together and its still what I can say was the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldnt trade it for the world. Sean is my everything(my kids too). They're what keep me going and this just hurts so bad.

My anxiety hasnt been great lately either ... it was getting a bit better until he got carted off...I realize now that hes what helped me stay strong and I couldnt have without him...hes been an important part of my recovery from anxiety. I used to be the type to never take the lorazepam I was prescribed and now I take it all the time because Im just a mess. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day...ugh....down to pick up my cheque and than to the docs and than to the grocery store and than to pay my bills and etc. Well I dont have much else to say right now because Im just so down inside I dont have the pizzazz I usually do...Im counting down the days until June 5th so we can see what happens in that court hearing with my babe...hopefully some good news because we need our life back .... I love you Sean, your my world.The things Im gunna do to you when you come home baby lol...haha.

Ciao for now, Ill write again whenever....
Sam.

Hey Peeps!

Well Im wondering once again where in the hell John is....lmao, hes the master of scaring the hell outta me!Where are ya man?Hows the situation turning out...let me know. Its strange when your not on my blog let alone typing your own...you freak me out when ya dissapear lmao. Well Im just adding a blog that way ya know the hypo queen still prevails lol. I went tanning for the 3rd day  in a row today at the salon and like the other two days the 5 minute timer got down to one minute left and I started panicking my ass off and had to shut it down..lol, the heart started thumping, I became dizzy and lightheaded and I got this uncomfortable sensation in my chest, surely not only was I being blinded by the UV lights(even though i had goggles that screen it 100%) but I was on the verge of death...lol. So it was the same ritual, put my lotion on at home,walkover there and scan in, put my goggles on and lay down,turn on the tanning bed,start to race with irrational thoughts ....really ger panicked,look at the timer which reads 1 minute left,cant take anymore,stop it,stand up and freak,take lorazepam,gobble down half a bottle of water,get dressed and leave feeling like a million bucks. My husband wonders why I torcher myself if it works me up so much to tan there  but I say I like it...and I do minus the panic....but tanning combined with my bottle of drugs and Im peachy. LOL I probably sound like Im turning into an addict now!But...Im not!

Now Im just listening to tunes and blogging for all of you hypo queen fans. The singer Lady GaGA and that song 'poker face'....for some reason I find these lyrics extremely exciting lol *Russian Roulette aint the same without a gun and when it comes to love if it isnt rough it isnt fun*....im not quite sure why those fascinate me so....but they really do.Baha,comment away if you think you know what a hypo like me could possibly love about those few lyrics. Well thats all for now, Im going to go for now....and John make the essence of your LIVING known to me before I sign myself in to the ward on Delhi St...not that I couldnt convince them to take me without u scaring the shit outta me but thats clearly not the point....Holler at your HYPO QUEEN.

Sam.

Missed ANOTHER damn day, didn't I?

Whoa would you look at that the queen of hypochondria missed another blog yesterday,you guys must be super ashamed of me!Well here I am.HAHA. Today the hypo queen(being me) decided to go for a tan at the tanning salon after not going for almost 3 months because of the massive heat stroke I got and burn from using stage 2 lotion for dark tanned skin when I was whiter than a ghost, ya not a good idea ... scary stuff! Today I used the proper lotion and only took 3 minutes and I felt FAB!...and got some decent results for one 3 minute session...a little stress relieving after what turned out to be ANOTHER lorazepam day at the mall earlier. I got bell sympatico internet hooked up today and got rid of my crappy rogers and Im seriously impressed with the results, hellz yah! Yesterday wasn't such a good night either for your hypo queen as I had aquired coronary artery disease,cancer and the swine flu,how exhausting...seems Im in psychological remission today though after my loraz this aft. Havent heard from John in a few and I keep thinking about what he has going on right now and hoping that it isnt so and that things work out for him, thats soo sad and soo mean...whats happening to him. Hope your ok?Update me please Ive been worried sick. Ohhh shit it wasnt cancer I had yesterday along with the coronary srtery disease and swine flu now that I think of it....it was a white blood cell depleting auto immune disease. Thank god for my awesome friend Teresa who always seems to have time to put up with me. Well thats really all I got to say right now, maybe Ill say a little more later because Im enjoying some computer time tonight after being computer free all day until now(which also means webMD free) gimme a big hell yeah. Well off too neopets(hehe,childish but awesome fun game site) and messenger to see if anyone interesting is on and than maybe Ill take off to the anxiety forum for a bit too. Talk to y'all later,

Sam----THE HYPO QUEEN!!

I missed a day!

OMG!I totally just realized when I came on here that I didnt blog at all yesterday!!I actually missed a day. Well Im still freaking out about this persistant chest pain on my left side that I have been experiencing for THREE days now!OMG!Im going crazy at thoughts of a possible heart attack or breast cancer happening which is totally not cool....and scaring the bejesus out of me.  Im talking to my friend about her interesting night lastnight and thats sort of making me laugh. As of yesterday my mother in law started staying with us so she can have 24hr care, and so far so good, I love her! I put all her stuff away as a way to distract me today and have been making her food and thats been helping as well. I finally got my satellite hooked up and it rocks my socks!What else can I babble about OHH Ive taken loraz again today and this is like the 4th day already......and usually im a once a month at most person...and its all because of this chest pain. Im am scheduled to see my doc on the 11th but Im gunna try and whine my way in tomorrow to ease my hypo mind of heart/cancer conditions related to this godammn chest pain....like I have nooo idea why Im getting them either. And of course the more I obsess the weirder It gets and I get arm pain and than manifest my heart attack symtoms(fingers going numb as we speak).

Well Im going to continue to talk to my friend and than Im going to head off to my anxiety forum to screech to them. So Ill talk to you later! And John say something and tell me whats up!!

Sam.

A Hypo Laugh-A-Thon at Its BEST!

Yaa,exactly what it says a laugh-a-thon is what I have in store for you today. Lastnight was a relatively good night and until around midnight it was pretty uneventful...but than at the strike of midnight I called my good friend Teresa because we havent chatted in awhile. And of course she asked me how my battle with health anxiety has been going so I told her good, no more psychiatrist and no more meds at the docs orders. Now all I have is my counsellor which is nothing at all really. But than *drum roll* my good friend WedMD decided to speak loudly through a link of a 'brain eating amoeba' so I HAD TO click on it, naturally. And than after reading about it I had to search the symptoms of it and lemme tell you as fascinating as it was within about 30 seconds of reading about its 1% survival rate and 2 weeks to live platform I was flipping my lid. I was @ the max anxiety level and every little sound scared me I was so peaked. Than my head started to tingle and ya I was encountering the symptoms so I will give all of you fellow hypos the warning now before you get to google searching brain eating amoeba's...its called n.fowleri and you DONT DONT want to read about it as its very very unpleasant TRUST me. 

Another thing that sort of sucks is that I ended up having to feed myself some lorazepam today just a few minutes ago as I was experiencing yucky chest and stomach pains. Im not sure from what but Im trying not to think about it as its probably health anxiety related. See John, your not the onloy one with the chest pain, ugh and I know how much it sucks as today was one of the most persistant ones Ive ever had! Mind you I only took 0.25mg of loraz and it seems to be doing the trick so thats always a bonus. Though Ive taken it twice in the last week which is odd for a usual once evey 6 month person. But Ive only taken a total of one pill broken into both doses this week so its all good. Anyways I guess thats what stress starts to do to the human body after awhile. YUck its left,centre and RIGHT chest pain, yuck yuck yuck!Well Im done ranting for now and I see I have another follower WELCOME ABOARD and be sure to tell all your fellow hypo friends to join here lol to humour them. And dont be shy post some comments lol.

Sam.

HeyHey Fella Hypos ;-)

First of all Im wondering where the hell John went again because it strikes me as odd when a)he doesnt type a blog and b)when he doesnt read and comment on my psychological headspace here. So John if your secretly reading this in an alive state than please give me a big SHOUT OUT because your scaring the Queen of Hypo right off her thrown!!!!Lol and thats not too hard to do to begin with but with 3 days and no sign of ya thats a LARGE scare for me. So I bet your all wondering what I have to share with you guys today if anything at all after my previous boring post...well your in luck because I have a patented hypo story for you about my day today and ya its a true one too.Mind you sad and pathetic but funny nonetheless. SO here goes...

So I went up to the mall today and decided I needed to get a few things from the grocery store and everything was A OK. And than I went to the dollar store to aquire some birthday cards for gramma and the such and when I got up to the till I realized that not only did I have people already lining up behind me but also that I had forgot to grab two bottles of coke for me and the hubby. So I hollered to the worker that was sorting beside the cashier and asked if she would mind grabbing me two bottles from the cooler behind her and she said sure and handed them to me kindly.Now for the intersting thing to keep in mind by her handing them to me it means she touched them and I did too.So I took my stuff and left after paying.I than ran into a little boutique doiwn the hall and decided to stop in because I realized I forgot about mothers day and that had some cute cards so after much searching for a card for Gramma for mothers day there was none so I purchased the ones for my mother and mother in law and decided to go BACK to the dollar store and grab tyhe ones for the grammas. So I went back and asked if they had any and they pointed me in the right direction. So I went and grabbed 3 identical cards for the 3 grammas from the kids and us and proceeded to check out. Well while the cashier was ringing me through the woman who works there beside her,the same one who handed me my cokes the last time that I TOUCHED after her COUGHED and so the cashier asked her lovely co worker if she was catching a cold and she chuckled "No, I think I got the swine flu", Well my eyes dropped out of my head and I immediatly blurted out "What?!" loudly making an ass out of myself and thinking Oh my god she touched my coke than i touched it and she has swine flu Im doomed. "Just kidding!" she states. Well thats my story and needless to say it wasnt funny but I guess she hadnt a clue I was a severe hypochondriac but freaky nonetheless considering my latest off and on fascination with swine flu.

Well there you have it, yet another story to put your mind at ease by knowing atleast someone is crazier than you,lol me. But heyy if I wasnt crazy than I wouldnt be able to humour you with this blog, now would I?? But heyy believe it or not the good news is that even though Im plagued with some pretty severe hypochondria Im still a great mother to my kids and a good wife for the most part haha but always a good mother!!SO that goes to say that no matter how plagued you are by this illness that there is hope and you can still live your life when you find your own personal way to get through it, well not so much through it in my case lol just learn how to live with it. Mine is through exercise and forcing myself to cope with things and do them!!You just gotta force yourself to confront the things that your leary of and you'll be fine!!WooHoo!!Well thats all for now folks and y'all can get through this hypo-ness!! And remember JOHN, gimme a holler cause your scaring the shit outta me,haha. Talk later dudes and dudettes!

Sam.

..HAHA, interesting...

...and so lastnight I ended up having like a 2hr conversation with John(hell maybe more lmao) and I didnt think it could be so interesting to speak with another hypo but yeh it was fun!

(too be continued,must go pick up smokes lol)

OK so its time for me to finish this damned blog, where was I?...Ohya so me and John talked for a few hours lastnight and it was pretty relieving to bicker with another hypo and on top of that have a somewhat intellectual conversation about other things as well. We successfully came to the conclusion that Johns circulation was fine and that it was just his sore toes being magnified by the hypochondria and also that my sunburn wasnt turning into flesh eating disease either. Although my sunburn really does hurt like a bastard!Damnnn! I played tv bingo today thinking I was going to win because my friend tracy said she had a dream I had won at bingo and my mom spontaneously purchased me a tv bingo ticket so I thought for sure I had it made but NADA. Not even that close either!DAMN dreams getting my hopes all up haha. My issues have been not TOO bad today other than the fact my viosion was going wonky and my chest felt weird during bingo...all the lovely heart attack symptoms again....and I still dont feel 100% which kinda sucks. Having abdominal pain at the moment too so thats not soo good at all. I dont really know what to talk about today either, and that is fairly odd for a LOUD hypo queen like me who usually has plenty to say...but for the last two days there had been a blank for me and my poor poor blog. I must really be dissapointing all of you followers LMAO, so sorry but I dont know what to go on about...hmmm, lemme think....still dont know. Okay well I am going to go onto google and check out my anxiety forum maybe as well, dont really know yet. But thanks for reading and I will try to come up with something interesting to say for later on tonight.LOL I guess that youo run out of things when you start off with 5 blogs a day and its the same ol every day. I donno if I mentioned it yet but I was told yesterday when I went to my psychiatrist that I dont need to see him anymore...so those are some good starting steps having that and my GP telling me he didnt want me to take the meds as well. Maybe its signs of a progressing recovery and now all I have is my normal counsellor to see. BAHA, okay before I go I just thought of one story I can share with you guys before you think that the hypo queens interesting life has been 'normal-fied'. Yesterday when I was at my psychiatrists office just as we were ending the session I started to think about those terrrible clusters of spider-veins I have on my legs...my left behind my knee in particular was bothering me from its gruesome appearance so I suddenly asked "Ohh since your a psychiatrist that means your a doctor too right" He replies "Yes, but" before he even had a chance to complete the sentance stating he was but he didnt examine anything physical being a psychiatrist I was already standing there with my pantleg pulled right up pointing to my knee eagerly for him while stating "whats this,this is a big source of anxiety for me" at first he noticed my sunburn and thought thats what i was talking about and started asking me if it was itchy or anything(which creeped me out since I was plagued with that flesh eating thought to begin with) but I excluded that politely and stated I meant the veins. He said they were just spider veins and asked whether I had shown them to my GP, I responded hesitantly "Well, Yess he said the same thing" and my psych Says humourously "you just didnt believe him right?" I nodded. Than before I left I made the untimate hypo scene by turning around and going "So your sure there nothing deadly right,these veins"....like gimme a break how many times do I have to ask the poor guy before he loses it haha but he didnt and reassured me they were fine. 

Not that this was a very interesting story but I thought Id share that way you dont think Ive totally lost my hypo touch haha...not that id mind losing it but I havent for humours sake atleast if not my own. Take care guys and John WOWEE US healthcare really is EXPENSIVE, thanks for sharing that was definitely a fairly interesting convo but thank goodness you have decent insurance though. Talk to you on here later hopefully and all of you other as well,

Sam.

First blog of the day...

Heyy, how are you today all my fellow bloggers!Well Im zonked because I eneded up taking a lorazapam at noon...so im still a lil slow and ended up sleeping half my day away which I dont usually do. Went to my psychiatrist today and he didnt give me any new meds and told me that I didnt need to see him anymore unless it got worse again...so thats a BIG step forward for me. Gives me confidence like when my doc said I looked good and not to bother with his meds last week, thats 2 pros on my side baha. Im still not completely healed and the hypo is still very much alive in me!!

Its just that Im learning to deal with it better now thats all, man Im out of it...my attention span sucks from this stuff and Im confused. Well I donno what to type so Im out for now LOL Im too messed from these loraz meds still.lol. Cant even type straight without a million backspaces or concentrate on what to type.Just thought Id atleast say something so I wasnt completely non existant on here today.Ooooh I got cramps in my belly ...ugh. Talk later and take care,Sam.

ps-my most boring blog post ever, enjoy haha!

..This is the good stuff...

I met another fellow hypo in the anxiety forum and as I was flipping out that I was going to stop breathing and die and how I was so embarassed of it all....the woman who I'll refer to as tired_of_tripping pm'ed me and gave me the support I needed to cal myself. WE than added eachother to messenger and as I bellowed about how I felt fairly alone in this misery hypo condition she shared this poem that she wrote to make me see how she feels and know we're not alone. She has given me permission to share this here so here goes:

Shaky hands and heart palpitations

Shortness of breath and repeated conversations

Worries and worries and thoughts death

Thoughts of dying with every breath

Missed appointments and loss of concentration

Deep breathing pleasant thoughts and medication

 What will control this out of control feeling

Fatigue and trouble coping and dealing

Stuck in a world alone….wanting a life of my own

Disturbing everyday living, taking over life

Will I ever be a mother or even a wife

Can my body handle that responsibility 

Or will I continue my life in misery

 Will the thought of dying cross my  mind everyday

Can I control it? Have I tried every way?

Every ache and pain and odd feeling within

Turns into a feeling that my life will soon end

Control it …no but lessen it yes

I convince myself I am ok…well I try my best

 A hidden secret I have tried to keep

But my family they felt it when I began to weep

As the tears rolled and I began to shake

My family’s hearts ….I felt them break

Do not worry…I begged and pleaded

It’s my problem….but they  wouldn’t leave it

 They look for causes and beg me to change 

Its that job …..they began to blame.

Is it? Is that the core of my stress

I try to stay calm…lord I try my best

But yes it gets to me and triggers something inside

Personality disturbances that I can’t hide

 Changes yes can make it better

But stress free? No, not all together.

To give up and quit, no that’s not me

But with all of these changes that’s how it must be

Do I want to leave a job so great? No

But the changes in me that the stress creates

Is it worth me yelling at my niece and nephew for nothing

Or hang up on my mom when she needs me to pick up something

 Or completely avoid my dad cause our attitudes now clash 

Or say words to make my sister feel like white trash

My boyfriend who thinks without me the stars would fall

Should he doubt that I care for him at all

 All this is new to me, in the past 18 months changes you see

I used to be all calm cool and collected

No worries no cares no feelings neglected

Now happiness is very short term

Because I know the uneasiness will surely return

Anxiety has lessened and energy crashed

For now I will sleep before the chance has passed

 THE END

Courtesy of "tired_of_tripping"

I think thats just what I needed and that its also fabolous poem. Thanks so much!I feel much better now and she smokes too so I cant use that as my sole excuse lol for fear.

Im going to go play halo with my hubby maybe...tc and I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!!

Sam.

Out all day...

Well we were out all day with the kids and the first stop was the mall where I watched 10's and 10's of people walk by us while I looked up at a tv screen and saw 'swine flu:5 confirmed cases in BC and NB' .... British Columbia and New Brunswick...its CONFIRMED to have made its way to Canada....and these people could be....UHOH! Well I left it at that and hobbled into Zellers to buy some sandals and ended up paying 15 bucks for some foam sandals....not any foam flip flops though...BARBIE(yes thats right as in barbie doll) flip flops. I have no interest in BARBIE but I bought them for their sheer conversation value....barbie in aduilt sizes come on thats a conversation topic all of its own. Dont get me wrong it was a full shelf lol and I was probably the only one who found it interesting ... but I bought them anyways haha. We than went to the park and on the way back I bought whats called a FUZE natural health beverage....fruit punch flavoured and it had all the nice vitamins and electrolytes and calcium and stuff in it and was naturally sweetened no sugar PERFECT so I started reading the bottle 'natural health product' (cool I thought), 'Purpose:to help maintain a state of good health' (cool also, I thought), 'Directions: one a day as needed....do NOT exceed more than one bottle a day' (Ohhh SHIT I thought, I havent had more than this one but what if my breakfast contained these vitamins and I overdose...??...especially on vitamin A since theres 3000 mcg in here...oh shit this could kill me...omg....*PANIC*)
Ya I panicked over a frikin healthy juice baha...still hope I didnt OD though hehe. And than I must note I ate oatmeal,a bowl of honey nut cheerios and a pice of leftover chicken for BREAKFAST and than A burger king burger for lunch and than a donut....meanwhile I come home and wonder while Im making my husband and oldest daughter a turkey sandwich for dinner while filling my face with another piece of kfc 'Why am I not hungry?' 'I hope I dont really have aids thats making my appetite go away' Well lets just say the realistic thing to think would be that beings as I had 3 decent meals just for breakfast alone and one for lunch and a donut and im eating more chicken PERHAPS IM JUST FULL from eating like a cow.lol. Shows how fast I change my tune though because now Im thinking something serious has ruined my appetite for dinner because im FULL but during my walk and EATING EXTRAVAGANZA this morning and aft I was thinking the exact opposite and I was wondering If I had a tapeworm and thats why I was eating SO MUCH!LOL cant win with me....good ol hypo Sam.
Well I got a fairly nasty sunburn on the back of my neck today and on my arms and parts of my legs....so I hope I dont start obsessing about skin cancer next...jeez,,,surely theres millions of articles about the suns link to cancer risks on the internet but I will do my best to NOT look at them.
What is bothering me though is that I have to go to my psychiatrist tomorrow and sit in a waiting room with people who could possibly be contaminated and than my psychiatrist in a small closed room for which he too might be contaminated with swine flu ... and than on May 11th I have to see my GP about this blood pressure business and sit in a waiting room SHOULDER TO SHOULDER probably for the better part of an hour with DOZENS of people who could be contaminated and who are especially a higher risk of being so because of the fact of thats why people go to the doctors BECAUSE there SICK and Im sitting in the docs office with all of these contaminated people....okay Im scared...Im just gunna shut up now.

HAHA oooooo this sunburn burns..(a sunburn burning,haha go figure eh?lol) Well thats all for me for now until later when its quite quite pssible that I will have more to say but shit I forgot something...hadta get it out: when we were at the park today I was on the swing and all of a sudden I got so scared and panicky I wouldnt stop myself because i was even scared to put my feet in the woodchips incase of slivers and infection so I just sat there three sheets white while screeching about how horrified Id suddenly become and denying my uncles request to just put my feet down to stop and all the whilst I panicked because I feared Id lose strength and let go and fall to my death and the more I panicked the weaker my grip got....ughhh!

I feel better now PHEW its all out there. Take care, till tonight Sam.

My Dream Archives..baha!

Okay so Thursay April 23rd was the delightful vampire werewolf nightmare that I have previously explained on here.

Friday April 24th was a king cobra attacking me and a frantic search to find the anti venom.

Saturday the 25th was me accidentally taking someones brain cancer pills which were huge starburse candy sized half blue half pink things in which you were only supposed to consume the pink side for some reason but hey and I took them and ended up in emerg. How the hell do I mix puny acid reflux pills up for some of those. (think that this one was probably triggered by seeing all the mother in laws 20 pills in one day she needs to take now *shudders*)

And last but not least Sunday the 26th(technically the 27th cause it was 2am) was about being chased by some demon/human cross guy who was bald(lol a relay of my brains idea of my meany husband who dont pity me i guess lol) and some alien dudes and lol a T-REX(yes dinosaur) and a Raptor(another dinosaur) in which I managed to get attacked by one of them but I dont remember which lol and we ended up jumping off the roof to get rescued by the fire dept. that was in open gunfire with the aliens and the dinos and the demon dude.(which probably branched from me playing halo 3...google that name and check the video game for yourself...alien galore)

Ya so with all that said ... where the hell are my nightmares coming from lately. Well I know some of them are branched from my daily activities but still how does my brain twist this shit around like this??Its creepy and I wake up feeling drained like I was actually doing all these mental things all night. Hmph! I dont even like falling asleep and falling prey to this disturbing dreams but atleast I remember them when I wake up and can type them and get them outta my head, would suck if all I remembered was that they were scary and not what happened .... than it would plague me because I couldnt get it out.Well thats all for now...my neck hurts ugh. Talk to you all later and thanks for listening.
Sam.

ps- yes John, you redeemed yourself by putting my mind a ease about those white lines that I feared were somthing much worse than the swine flu that you plagued me with.LOL *the guilt trip starts now Johnny boy* haha j/k. Take care and thanks again!

...*climbs into her bubble*....

Yep Im getting into my bubble and bring my fam in and LOCKING the door until this swine flu is thru! Ya I just heard that there is some deadly oinker flu on the spread just what I need Black Death Plague year 2009 style. Yes ohh Yes, I AM in fact currently contemplating shitting myself after wetting myself of course,lmao. This is truly a conspiracy, and a f'n scary one. I say GENECIDE to the pigs....you see genecide is bad but not to the deadly pigs it aint because I DO NOT want pig flu near me. If that isnt scary enough I was on the elevator with my sick neighbour and I REALLY hope thats now what she has and I also came into contact with my mom and sister who were just recently in contact with Kory who was just recently in contact with MEXICO!!!!!FRIKIN MEXICO...they have a zillion cases...they started all this!!Godammit and mom says she felt nauseaus today!OMGOMGOMG!!! Im surely doomed! Well realistically no, but I still think so. Well Id like to thank John for helping me out with my white cancer lines in my mouth he actually found the true cause :

Linea alba (Latin for white line) is also a term used in dentistry to describe a horizontal streak on the mucosal surface of the cheek, level with the occlusal plane. It usually extends from the commissure to the posterior teeth and can be found with similar markings near the inner lip mucosa and corners of the mouth.

Like he said thats a fancy way of saying harmless white line on my inner cheek which means thanks to him Im not scared of those lines that used to horrify me all the time, thanks John. Now I can give my full concentration to the swine flu. Wholly crap ... swine flu....bird flu.....human flu...whats next??Tree flu,insect flu and potato chip flu. Probably. Ya I know Im dumb. Thats me. HAHA.
The End.
Sam

Pepsi is the DEVIL!

....and I dont say that lightly and yes for all of you wondering I do in fact mean that carbonated caramel coloured crap in the blue can with the wannabe deranges ying yang on it .... except its PURE EVIL unlike the ying yang. I come to this conclusion for this very reason: 2 weeks WITHOUT a severe panic attack .... and 2 weeks without pepsi as well. Lastnight and today i indulge in the devils blood and I have a severe panic attack!!Do you see the link my fellow hypos...my body cannot handle the pepsi...my brain cannot handle the pepsi...I think perhaps my GP had a point and caffeine really does crucify us anxious beings. Because I was relaively alright without it and than SERIOUSLY messed with it. God Damned multi billion dollar companies ruining the lives of us anxious hypos by bribing us into there sweet tasty creations. Damnnn and they blame it all on cigarettes ... well cigarettes have never caused me to do something as ridiculous as have an absolute cow over nothing. SCREW you Devil Cola Company!
I did read your blog John and now I do see the very good reasons I havent heard from ya...but I left a comment regarding that for ya. But honestly there are ways to get through this...and you can do it ... and believe me Im not just one of those people babbling Im one of those people in the exact same boat except married with two young children so I know the feeling dear friend. Like I stated though, I WOULD be more than happy to chat with her if she was willing ... and to tell her how things work for me and my hubby and tell her some personal scenarios and pretty much anything she'd be interested in finding out from a ROYAL hypochondriac in a long term commited relationship. So give that some thought and get back to me if you will. DOnt feel bad about going to emerg either because Ive been there my fair share of times for quote on quote 'absolutely nothing'. Its just a part of the hypo condition with the need for reassurance. Plus hypos do get REAL physical sensations and pains its just that they're not linked to anything medically seen..and its a proven that we DONT fake it. So I hope that makes ya feel a little better...not to say we're perfect and should be considered innocent because ya we are over reacting but the fact remains that the illness does ACTUALLY have terrible physical sensations that we bring on yes your g/f will like this lol we do bring them on ourselves alot of the time.
But hey everyone hits a rocky path in their lives in some way or another and this just happens to be 'our way'. Learning to live with it is how you learn to get THROUGH it I find....sooner or later the episodes become less intense. Scary still but not the same kind of scary...freaking but you finally KNOW you dont need to go to emerg for it and you can handle your fit at home sort of thing. You just sort of learn what to expect. Lol, but Im going to shut up about atleast this for now as I feel like Im Dr.Phil or something baha.


Well anyways this blog was about pepsi being the devil but Ive already been through that so now what else is there to ramble about???Hmmmm.....
Im going to go out for a walk soon with my friend Alicia hopefully to get some air and calm down a little more because the biggest part of the severe anxiety attack today was the feeling that my chest was tight and that fluttering butterfly sensation that makes it like you think your not gunna get another breath...a fear sensation so to speak....and well it felt like I couldnt get enough air into my lungs because my chest wouldnt expand and yada...creepy shit. So Im almost over that now with mild chest pain and a mild headache/arm pain...not nice so Im sure you already know. Well thats all for now and I really hope to see ya online later John so we can speak about this further if ya'd like and maybe theres something I can contribute to help and if there is Id love to help.

Talk soon and best regards(PEACE OUT ALL MY HYPO HOMIES)
Sam.

....and like ALWAYS succeed...;-)

When it comes to me the hypo queen, whether it be succeeding in a new diagnosis,succeeding in aquiring the symptoms or succeeding in getting my lovely husband to fix my *ahem* password problem on my laptop I always so just that..SUCCEED!! But of course that also means that in return I had to unlock his computer which I was a little hesitant in because of obvious reasons...but nonetheless my laptop is free and since lastnight (Saturday) when his wannabe stern ass said not until Monday...bahaha, who rocks y'all??Thats right, I do. I havent suffered any diseases yet today either...go figure...well I had a mild wannabe heart attack but ya whats new, baha. Not such a surprising thing. But what is surprising is that John has yet to comment on my blog or appear on msn...I WILL NOT freak out that something terrible has happened because that would be irrational and we all now Im a very RATIONAL person...uh huh, thats right veerrry rational...ok Im gunna freak now....what the hell has happened to you John?!?!?! Lol gimme a SHOUT OUT if ya can hear me...pleasse haha. Well Im having the fam over for turkey dinner today and the inlaws are here too so that should be cool. Hubby just got back from the storage shed and brought umpteen more things that my hypo ass is going to have to figure out where to put in our appartment that has no more room to put anything,lol greaaattt. But Im sure Ill figure something out. How f'n frustrating!!!!!!!LOL! But thats all I really got to say for now, just wish me luck in putting the stuff away and wish me also luck in not getting EXTREMELY pissed off when my freshly cleaned house becomes again cluttered and messy....Ohhhh I feel the anger already. Well ciao for now!~ Sam.

I Broke My Chains.....

Well what I mean by I brok e my chains is that I got over here to my mothers and snuck into my sisters room and got on her computer to type atleast one blog for the day. And the reason I had to go through all that was because my DARLING husband decided to put an administrative password on my computer baha so I couldnt diagnose myself for the rest of the weekend.....ohhh the horror. Well I guess many would consider that a clever idea except for the fact that my DOCTOR was the one that told me to continue my blog hence why he didnt want me to start the new meds....because in his opinion I was looking good and should continue. But how do I do that when my non hypo assjacker of a husband decides to shackle my computer...ohh the arrogance I tell ya.
Well I did pretty good today except for one bout of flesh eating disease on my arm but absolutely no heart attacks or strokes!!Thats a bonus for sure. We went for a family picnic to Riverside Park and than me and my mother ended up walking half way home in the storm.....luckily the rain didnt start until AFTER we were inside the vehicle Phewwww, thank god for Ian I thought for sure I was gunna turn into fried ligtning potatoes or something of the such!Nastty thoughts but luckily Im peachy. I must admit though that I found it SERIOUSLY humorous when my husband tried to take the maple donut off of his mother because she shouldnt be eating all the sugar and she shouted 'like hell' 'go over there and go to heck' and plowed it into her mouth anyways...bahaha go momma in law you tell him!!WooT!!I coulnt've said it better myself ladies and gentlemen. So a big HELL YEAH to her. But I love ya anyways hubby of mine of which I'll refer to as 'ass jacker' for the rest of the blog...(cant you just feel the love?) BAHAHAHAH!
Well I guess I gotta tell ya the best part I...yes me put also an administrative password on Ass Jackers laptop...have fun with that one sucker....ohh the paybacks a bitch and ohhh would ya look at that the password I put on his has somehow slipped my mind.....what was that password again...oops I think I forgot...oh well BAHA! Well thats really all for today but I must admit having nothing other than ONE episode of necrotizing fascitis and thats all for the day is a bonus for me bahaha. Ohh and I got a grease burn lastnight on my belly from cooking ground beef but the pain associated with the grease splashing on me sure as hell reassured me that it couldnt possibly be anything other than just that 'a grease burn'...so no freaking out.Well thats all for now and Ill update soon, damned arsehole husband....I'll show him HAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!Im gunna get more payback and Ill tell ya when I get to it muahahaha ... Never play games with a HYPO like me who can play them better...hahahahaha LOL! Take care everyone, Sam!

Low blood Pressure meds..

Exactly why Im screaming a bloody fit over this low blood pressure of mine. How funny how I stated that a medication for the such would probably say a side effect is high blood pressure(which btw makes you more prone to HEART ATTACKS) and it really does say that and guess how I know ... dun dun dun...*drum roll*
GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(applaud)
and if thats not terrible to be assured of.. to make matters worse it has more terrible side effects than that like low bone density, partial blindness(cataracts) and the list dreadfully continues...so check this out and while I know I'll think about it all weekend while I wait to call the doc on Monday I WILL be keeping my fingers crossed that I DO NOT in fact get this damned medication prescribed. Which for some reason I think Im in for it .. thanks to the pharmacists "Theres medication for that, see your doctor" comment. GREAAATTTT!! High blood pressure and issues that I dont need...Im on A crazy train paid with a one way ticket coming your way. Watch Out Southern Ontario .... Im GOING OFF MY ROCKER!
Ciao until I come back online later to type another 10 billion blogs in one night because I am uberly addicted whether anyone reads them or not. I really enjoy bickering on here...more than the average hypochondriac words can express... Oh hell yeah!BLOG ON babay!
Sam (im nuts, yes I am...but Im f'n proud of it!!! *no, not really lol*)

shitty---almost forgot to send ya the link to check out the hellish meds http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fludrocortisone enjoy!

How many ways can you say low blood pressure....

Well according to google(ohh YES, I was on google) there is plenty of ways to say that dirty phrase 'low blood pressure'. Mainly though its referred to as 'hypotension'. Which I just HAD to look up upon coming home from the pharmacy knowing that my BP was 105/58....which the pharmicist happily informed me was low after I answered his creepy Questions:
Do you ever feel faint? Yes, I replied.
Do you ever feel dizzy? Yes, I replied again.
Well you should go to your doctor about your 'low blood pressure' because they have medication for that, he states to me.

GREATTTT, that makes me feel wonderful so I came home to my famous friend google and looked it up and heres what I found, see for yourself my doom: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/low-blood-pressure/DS00590


And for those of you who dont click it says all kinds of horrid things about what could cause low blood pressure so now Im thinking about having another FIT! Not only do I have low blood pressure but I may have to take meds to make it higher and I dont know for sure but I can see a side effect of meds that INCREASE your blood pressure having side effects like 'may rarely cause hypertension and heart attacks' .... ya no doubt that will make me ECSTATIC* to take the meds...merely ecstatic!Thats for damnnn certain! But hey wouldnt a normal person just not jump to conclusions until seeing the doc? Of course they would but hey I said 'normal' person and well, lets face it, thats just not me so therefore Im going to freak OUT! I have a headache right now and I feel a little spacey and im going to automatically blame my low blood pressure for that and freak out about going into shock because Im focused on nothing other than a serious heart or neurological issue causing it BLAH!Arent I just radiating with positive energy?Ya,..thats what I thought lol.
Now my back and chest hurts and my shoulderblades...ohh ya here we go nice nice nice. But hey Im running out of things to type right now, I just thought that I would share that priceless information about my doomed hypochondriac life with you, how nice of me...wouldnt you say? Ohh ya!I Rock.

Editors note the (*) located int he article beside the word ecstatic clearly indicates that although ecstatic is a positive word for the most part that the writer meant it in the most negative and sarcastic way ever to exist in mankind.


Product may vary at different times during day, brain and hamster wheel sold separately but only while supplies last.

Just Another Rambling Marathon by Yours Truly!!

OK..right now Im just sitting here ... waiting for the yummy cream of chicken soup to come off of the stove for me and my oldest daughter. I just felt like coming on here to ramble a new discovery to you...my mother just decided to 'nicely' inform me that I the hypo-psycho used to pick up people chewed up gum off the ground and chew it when I was little. YES!! Eat an unknown strangers GERM INFESTED bubble gum...that is NASTY...well atleast I thought so:-)
I also thought that I would let all of you caring followers of mine know that I have made a compete recovery from lastnights contracted uncurable lung infection and heart attack and stroke. YAY me! Im still not 100% over the the AIDS thing yet, though Im almost surely convinced that Im A-OK! I haven't contracted any serious illnesses yet today other than the daily chest pains and stuff so thats a bonus. Whilst I was sitting on the thrown though haha I decided to put some serious thought into how nasty it was that some people DONT wash their hands after they use the facilities....and than after dwelling on it for my whole trip to the thrown I ended up washing my hands vigourisly with soap.THATS ME! Well actually I lied Im still not over my necrotizing fascitis that Ive contracted on my leg but thankfully it hasnt spread in the almost year its been there(good sign its not necrotizing fascitis than) Nahhh....Its DEFINITELY necoritizing fascitis! Im really hoping I can cure myself of it before the trip to tha park with the whole family tomorrow *fingers crossed*.That function should go well providing noone coughs or sneezes there humanely droplets onto me HAHA!!
BIG SHOUT OUT to John too...who listened contently for hours lastnight as I told him I was dying of numerous contracted illnesses.....in which ALL of I accumulated in hours following being informed of them....ya go figure eh...its not 'all in my head' I SWEAR!
Well another thing thats relatively interesting is the fact that Ive been NOT dreaming of contracting horrid illnesses Ive actually been dreaming of much stranger things like travelling with a pack of werewolves and getting viciously surrounded by a leader and his group of vampires for whom I decided to marry and abandon my wolves even after they warned me it'd be for an eternity. And my leader vampire husband for whom which I was totally infatuated with had what I noticed was god aweful haircut and a hideous face when I woke up and thought back to it. Ya, Im officially a hypo VAMPIRE weirdo with Werewof preoccupations...dont ask weird dreams are supposed to be side effects of medication for which I do NOT even take. But something tells me that it could have been a connection to the prozac that I was taking a few weeks ago for which I stopped because I was wholeheartedly convinced that I was getting seretonin syndrome and musle fatigue and increased panic from..which my psychiatrist informed me was impossible at such a low dose as 20mg but I was to convinced to believe his professional opinion and chose to take faith in my own personal opinion of it all. But ya...who knows LOL!
Ohhh and I must also notify you of the experience today trying 'fiji' brand bottled water...which indicates it has NOT been touched by mankind or the environment until you crack open the bottle(verry reassuring info for a hypo like me so it was a sole choice) but than it says it was bottled in the 'republic of fiji' so I jokingly stated to my mother that we should vaction there and she stated in a 'comforting' tone of voice "Ya sure if ya REALLY wanna get AIDS we will" well so we have it Im drinking water from a place that my mother exclaims is SURE to be crawling with AIDS. Suddenly I think that there must be alot more in my water than the stated silica,magnesium,calcium and PHP count,if ya get what Im saying ALOT more than those stated nutrients like other things like AIDS!!ANd I just consumed it, by the way...thanks ma,haha. That turned out to be the conversation for the rest of the way home as I yes...continued to drink the water...geez. I would also like to pointlessly mention that Im glad that 'momwithanxiety'(is her username on a anxiety forum) thinks Im funny haha and enjoys my blog like a few others. I would also like to thank her wholeheartedly for informing me of fatal lung infections, NOT!! Lol its okay I forgive you 'momwithanxiety'....now Im just 'hypoSamwithanxiety' from hearing that but hey thats always been me :-P.
And besides...Ive overcame that 2 hour illness that I even HARASSED my gramma over baha. *Im a weirdo doo da doo da*
I really really wish.
That.
We.
Lived.
In.
A.
Disase-Free.
World.
And.
A.
Germ.
Free.
One.
Too.
BAHA!

Ya that was fun making a million paragraphs out of just several words :-)
Well I guess that thats all for now,take care all you fans of hypo me.
Sam.

...and it just gets MORE ridiculous....

The title of this blog says it all. Now because Im thinking back to the few days ago that I weighed myself and realized that I lost 3 pounds, Ive started freaking mainly this aft about having possibly contracted AIDS...which is impossible beings as I haven't even came into contact...but in my hypo brain thats clearly not the point!!Nor is the fact that Ive been walking alot lately and that could have made me lose the weight but NOOO it just has to be AIDS. Well Im almost over that as of this point in the evening though, phew... Now Im not really currently suffering from anything besides an 'out of it' sensation and a tense neck and headache and a sore tongue(yes those are nothing to me lol). Although I do keep thinking about morbid things like heart attacks and strokes and cancer and my wannabe encounter with AIDS this afternoon....ohh and now that brings me to remember a phrase my counsellor spewed at me a couple weeks ago ... get this ... he says to me "for a person who fears death, you sure put alot of effort into getting these diseases"....THE NERVE I tell ya!!!He should be pitying my hypo ass,lol...not pointing those harsh realities out to me.BAHA!
Ohhhhh wait here goes...my left leg is tingling and going numb and now its stopping being numb and aching and Im automatically assuming that its well you guessed it....a stroke....but Im going to try and block that out for now BAHA! Another thing I'd like to add to my rambling is the fact that I can partially thank our telehealth service for this(its a telephone service where u can speak to a nurse for advice)because I call them about my symptoms and they always freak me out by saying it sounds like I need to get my ass to emerg and regardless of what they say about how Im fine when I get there ... Telehealth NEVER fails to tell me to go....so they fuel my urge to freak out by thinking Im going to die if I dont go because they used reassuring phrases like "I have to tell you to check in with your local emerg because I cant tell you not to and be held liable" LIABLE liable LIABLE???????LIABLE FOR WHAT??? Me dying....well gee that makes me feel better ... so of course Im going to emerg. you guys are more evil than google!!
YES, google is evil...you can find everything that you SHOULDNT be looking for on there and you can find it a million times over in a million different ways of saying it...and yahhhh...wrong wrong wrong evil evil evil. I had my bout of Scleredoma lastnight because of them!!DAMN google....so much easier to blame them instead of myself,heh.
Well enough of my rambling for now, Sam.

Reviewing Johns comment and OFFERING some help...

Okay yes its me 'Queen Hypo' ...lol... offering John some reassurance.
I would just like to say DO NOT make the mistake I did and read about that disease as its not going to do you any good. And for another realize the part of my post that specified that I WAS being IRRATIONAL lol as in its not likely. It is in fact a creepy creepy thing but being a hypo we know its in our head and yah its unlikely so do NOT get yourself flipped out over it even if you do read it because u never mentioned exhibiting any signs of that anyways so you DONT have it...haha.
Listen to me eh?Like I should talk...I know ... I just dont wanna get you flipping out for no reason ... I know like me though that you ARE going to read about it so I say this -- it is SCARY but DO NOT preoccupy yourself with it as its not likely at all. So read it and thats all as an educational thing...OKOK now Im just guna freak again so lol this is pointless. Enjoy your bout of 'sytemic scleredoma' but just dont let it last for too long and I'll be here incase ya wanna talk..haha. So we can freak together.
Hell Im having a 'heart attack & stroke' as we speak so who the heck am I to talk?LOL.
Well I'll be back on later with probably another 10 blogs for ya because as you can see Im clearly addicted. Although it seems like my blog serves a negative purpose sometimes *ahem* John. LOL I am genuinely sorry for freaking you out and that was clearly not my intention but afterall thats why I do this blog....not to freak people out but to clear my head and unfortunately 'systemic scleredoma' is what I felt the need to clear my head about.
Again though be carreful reading about that bad boy....its nasttty stuff ;) arent I just encouraging??...Just being honest with ya though...its not bed of roses...
Take care and dont disease yourself to bad my fellow hypos...be back sooner rather than later and hopefully with no new information on creepy illnesses to post baaah. Well I gotta say it could be worse like 'necrotizing facsitis' (sp?) ... thats a nasty one...so google away...I already did :-) and I dont plan on anymore for today hopefully.....gotta go my heart attack and stroke is really getting to me and I need a smoke. (im a contradicting(sp?) fool eh?) Power to hypo me :-)
Sam..(to be continued)

The Embarassing Update...haha...

OK well as it turns out I was doing pretty good for awhile there.....as in I was doing decent. LMAO, than a good ol pal in which whom's blog Im fascinated with came online and told me that she had heard of a new disease called 'systemic scleredoma' and you guessed it ... I just HAD to check it out...so off I went to google at a terrible like 11pm and saw the most terrible thing ever. DO NOT look it up my fellow hypos because its one of the nastiest things I ever saw and as I forced myself to read on about complications and symptoms I could feel them kicking in one by one and than all of a sudden my mind opened up to all the other possibilities that I had so proudly buried like heart attacks,tumours and brain attacking dental infections!! So from 11pm- about 1 am I freaked about my newly aquired 'systemic scleredoma' (which is like hardening of the organs,so ur not tempted to look) and my heart attack and aggresive dental infection. And lol too top off the cake she told me about how down there they have CARPET in their hospital exam rooms...CARPET people in a frikin hospital....which made me think of all the germs that could get into it like from blood and blahhhh everything else so than suddenly I started thinking that I should get rid of my very own carpet for the same reasons.
Yes VERY irrational I eventually figured out considering im NOT in a hospital and neither is my carpet haha...and obviously the fact that I contracted these diseases upon reading the symptoms was a good possibility that it was in my head but of course at the time I refused to believe that ... you know the drill....I woke my poor hubby up to tell him ... you guessed it that "my internal organs were hardening and that I was going to die" ohh ya. A good breathing exercise later I was cured of my 'systemic scleredoma', 'cancer' and etc.... lol what an eventful night!! What alot of diseases to have all at once. But to sum it all up for now until I return I had a stroke,an aggressive dental infection that was spreading to my brain,sytemic scleredoma and a heart attack all while standing on a germ infested carpet BLAHHH!!
Ohh ya, Im losin it sometimes .... im the freak of the block when it comes to diseases and germs BLAHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam.

WARNING: Content VERY lol DISCOURAGING!!

Thought I'd share this with you so ypu can click on them and read them like I did....dont say you dont want to either because you know as well as me that us hypos love looking at web stuff we shouldnt haha. But anyways i find it rather annoying that my 'issues' intertwine with all of these disorders, does this mean I have em all??haha...comment John....what do you think when it comes to you and all these disorders that Ive listed....I think I have mostly all the traits but I gotta say Im just going to take credit for the 'hypochondriac'...or 'hypo-cyber-chondriac' because Im just sooo damn proud of it LMAO...cant make it go away so Ill be proud...lol...but anyways take a boo quickly into each of these pleasssse...I was real surprised!

Somatoform pain disorder
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000922.htm

Hypochondria
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001236.htm

Cyberchondria
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberchondria

Panic Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_disorder

Generalized Anxiety Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_compulsive_disorder

baha, arent I just encouraging guys?

....interesting if you dont say......

You Are 72% Hypochondriac

You are a pretty serious hypochondriac, and you probably don't know it.A lot of those aches and pains you are feeling are all in your head!

Are You a Hypochondriac?
Take More Quizzes

Lmao okay sooo, I just HAD TO share that google took me to wikipedia which had an article explaining that there is actually a disorder called 'cyberchondria' haha which refers to a condition where the person is preoccupied with researching and diagnosing themselves with diseases on the internet....haha so I guess that means that Im a 'Hypo-cyber-chondriac' bahah....and just when I thought they didnt recommend me self diagnosing they send my hypo ass towards this. And F.Y.I us hypos are apparently the most susceptible to this disorder as well....and I sure know that I definitely have it!!!I do it everyday!Lol well I've actually been reasonable for the last little while...as in the last couple of days.LMFAO. And that last test up there I took says that Im 72%hypochondriac which is actually a compliment because most of the time Im a 99.9% hypo-woman.SO thank you ohh sooo much for the compliment Mr or Mrs . test creator for that easy going analysis of my ohh so easily distracted brain.

My Day is Drawing to an End...

Well my day is drawing to an end ... its now 5:52pm, bahaha and Im happy to say that I did indeed get all of my housework done amongst getting to the grocery store and getting change for laundry and cooking for my kids all day long....WHAT A DAY!!Whew!
I also cooked everyone dinner...forgot to mention that....well I'm off to search for som interesting things to share with you all on my blog here, Im sure that google can help me with that since it helps me with all sorts of other stuff like diagnosing myself with mysterious dideases I dont have BAHA!!Well ttyl my baby is crying and than off to google the funn stufff!!
Sam.

Yay!!

Well good morning all my friends...if that is that there is anyone but Bob that reads my goddam blog...haha. Im guessing now that its safe to state that Eli Bay is really a god send. Bob tells me on his blog that he tried the relaxation techniques and they must have worked because he got a good night sleep and didnt wake up freaking....go figure...a hypo can give another hypo good advice afterall....haha...its just following my own advice i sometimes really suck at, go figure!!
Well I know that Eli is responsible for my new better way of breathing(stomach breathing) as opposed to anxiety breathing(chest breathing). And the limitations Ive set on caffeine have made a great difference along with the increased intake of water and food. Ive definitelty cut back on my share of daily heart attacks and ailments...because we all know that I really have heart attacks and strokes on a multi-daily sort of basis haha...ya right...the beautiful world of hypo me. Well I got to bed at around 1:45 lastnight and woke up at 7 with my daughter Autumn...and my oldest daughter got up at 7:30 hehe. Havent eaten breakfast and thats not good because its been over an hour since I woke up and thats gunna say alot about my day if I dont get to it soon. For some reason my arms are aching and my jaw hurts ughhh....lets not freak out though my jaw hurts because i keep pressing on it and I have impacted wisdom teeth for which I refuse to get removed because lets face it Im bound to get a brain infection from the procedure, right? Well lol in my mind it is!haha.
And my arms ache because I spend way too much damned time typing blogs and researching symptoms from which causes symptoms and its a damn vicious cycle as all of us hypos like myself know. Hmmm...now what should I eat for breakfast haha...I think I'll have some cheerios...honeynut cheerios....and than Im off to shower and clean the house, what fun!!!Than to bathe my beautiful babies and than who knows what because its raining outside which means Im not going out there because Illl get sick....or should I as a hypo say 'sicker' and than end up with pneumonia and hey maybe it'll grow fungus and spread to my ears and eyeballs and coat my body in mould and grow trees from my nostrils and eventually suffocate me when the trees start too bloom and the roots grow down my throat causing a collapse and than ill turn into a large maple tree and than someone will cut me down and than ill be lumber which will get infested with termites and hahahahahahahaha Im just kidding ya but that was fun!!!!!!Its not that extreme but you get my point with the theories upon theories!!HAHA!
So now what to talk about Im not really sure anymore which is surprising for me haha....being a freak n all...well Im going to stop at this and go have a smoke and than eat and than force myself to get motivated(lol im so paranoid i started to type get myself pneumonia instead of motivated haha) geez. So ciao for now and watch out for that fungal pneumomia that causes death by trees growing out ur nostrils and mould all over your body BAHAHA Verrry SeRiOuS stuff ;)
Ciao for now my fellow freakazoids,
Sam.