Ok believe me I know, its been an eternity since I wrote up a blog for all of my hypo fans and thats just not cool,lol. Well I haven't been having the greatest time lately. The last blog I wrote was on May 7th and on that same night me and my hubby had a mild tiff that my anxiety helped me blow out of proportion and got him arrested on May8th and I have been without him ever since as he is still incarcerated. I feel terrible and our daughters are really upset about not having him here and so am I. Its been really sticky because of him being on parole and man did my stupid thinking patterns get the shit stirred. To top all that off Ive been feeling not at my best lately and my poor husband is sick in there and man I wish I hadnt have done that. The stress that my kids are under over it just kills me inside and I try to stay strong. The fact that my stupidity is causing me a 3000.00 lawyer bill that I cant afford is another stressor. And the worries about how court is going to go is also a stressor...and the fact that they placed a 'no contact' order on him so we cant speak is killing me inside too. So lemme tell all of you out there if you ever have a problem with ur partner make sure you think before you involve the authorities because they make matters worse otherwise. Because basically my baby is in there for nothing but my bullshit and there undoubtful want to get ahold of him just because he has a past criminal record....I think they just want to fill up the jails sometimes I swear. I dont think they take my familys feeling even into account because they are so selfish that since its not their family they dont give a crap about it. Must be a wonderful life to be able to destroy innocent families and not give a shit. What a heartless job. I could never do it. So yah Im angry and I want my baby home. I miss him and love him so much its not even funny...lifes just not the same without him here to light up my life again. He makes it home here and now theres a part of our family missing with him not around and its a very large part of it too. Our kids need their daddy and although we dont always get along like romeo and juliet I miss him terribly because 3 yrs now weve been together and its still what I can say was the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldnt trade it for the world. Sean is my everything(my kids too). They're what keep me going and this just hurts so bad.
My anxiety hasnt been great lately either ... it was getting a bit better until he got carted off...I realize now that hes what helped me stay strong and I couldnt have without him...hes been an important part of my recovery from anxiety. I used to be the type to never take the lorazepam I was prescribed and now I take it all the time because Im just a mess. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day...ugh....down to pick up my cheque and than to the docs and than to the grocery store and than to pay my bills and etc. Well I dont have much else to say right now because Im just so down inside I dont have the pizzazz I usually do...Im counting down the days until June 5th so we can see what happens in that court hearing with my babe...hopefully some good news because we need our life back .... I love you Sean, your my world.The things Im gunna do to you when you come home baby lol...haha.
Ciao for now, Ill write again whenever....
Sam.
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