..This is the good stuff...

I met another fellow hypo in the anxiety forum and as I was flipping out that I was going to stop breathing and die and how I was so embarassed of it all....the woman who I'll refer to as tired_of_tripping pm'ed me and gave me the support I needed to cal myself. WE than added eachother to messenger and as I bellowed about how I felt fairly alone in this misery hypo condition she shared this poem that she wrote to make me see how she feels and know we're not alone. She has given me permission to share this here so here goes:

Shaky hands and heart palpitations

Shortness of breath and repeated conversations

Worries and worries and thoughts death

Thoughts of dying with every breath

Missed appointments and loss of concentration

Deep breathing pleasant thoughts and medication

 What will control this out of control feeling

Fatigue and trouble coping and dealing

Stuck in a world alone….wanting a life of my own

Disturbing everyday living, taking over life

Will I ever be a mother or even a wife

Can my body handle that responsibility 

Or will I continue my life in misery

 Will the thought of dying cross my  mind everyday

Can I control it? Have I tried every way?

Every ache and pain and odd feeling within

Turns into a feeling that my life will soon end

Control it …no but lessen it yes

I convince myself I am ok…well I try my best

 A hidden secret I have tried to keep

But my family they felt it when I began to weep

As the tears rolled and I began to shake

My family’s hearts ….I felt them break

Do not worry…I begged and pleaded

It’s my problem….but they  wouldn’t leave it

 They look for causes and beg me to change 

Its that job …..they began to blame.

Is it? Is that the core of my stress

I try to stay calm…lord I try my best

But yes it gets to me and triggers something inside

Personality disturbances that I can’t hide

 Changes yes can make it better

But stress free? No, not all together.

To give up and quit, no that’s not me

But with all of these changes that’s how it must be

Do I want to leave a job so great? No

But the changes in me that the stress creates

Is it worth me yelling at my niece and nephew for nothing

Or hang up on my mom when she needs me to pick up something

 Or completely avoid my dad cause our attitudes now clash 

Or say words to make my sister feel like white trash

My boyfriend who thinks without me the stars would fall

Should he doubt that I care for him at all

 All this is new to me, in the past 18 months changes you see

I used to be all calm cool and collected

No worries no cares no feelings neglected

Now happiness is very short term

Because I know the uneasiness will surely return

Anxiety has lessened and energy crashed

For now I will sleep before the chance has passed

 THE END

Courtesy of "tired_of_tripping"

I think thats just what I needed and that its also fabolous poem. Thanks so much!I feel much better now and she smokes too so I cant use that as my sole excuse lol for fear.

Im going to go play halo with my hubby maybe...tc and I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!!

Sam.