Daily Da Doo...

Well I got some good news from the hubby's PO, the halfway house has agreed to accept him so now all we gotta do is wait and see what happens on the 17th and go from there. If all goes according to plan and the charges get thrown out than all we gotta do is wait on the parole board to make their decision which Im sure will be a decent one on the basis of if the charges get thrown out. Damnnn I miss him so fucking much, it's killin' me not to be with him. Well things seem to be atleast starting to iron themselves out so that makes me happy...thank heavens for that. Well Im absolutely pooped tonight...think Im not even gunna bother having a shower and just stay hot and smelly and oily lol, cause Id prolly fall asleep and drown in the tub lmfao. Well I have nothing more to say today except I took the kiddies to the splash pad and they had a great time wearing their dollar store string bikinis haha, and I took them to go to Autumns 9 month check up and she had to re start her acid reflux meds because its acting up again but she weighs in at 16.9lbs and is otherwise on the top of the charts for a healthy lil fart just like Mackenzie who is 24.2 lbs....my pudgy bunnies. Well take care y'all Im not in the mood to type alot and focus on anything like this today, Im pooped and I think my blood sugar is starting to suck ass. Well bye, for the 100th time because Im tired and keep repating myself....I love and miss you Sean and we will be back together very soon, I promise baby!
Sam xoxoxoxo

The reason I never wrote yesterday is because it was Seany and I's 2nd wedding anniversary and hes wasnt here with me because he's still 'in' and I took it real hard. I miss you so much baby and I hope we can atleast spend august 8th together for our 3rd year together...that'd be wonderful and def hopefully for your and our babies birthdays atleast. Im doing everything to make this go smoothly but I only have limited control. Heres to hoping you'll read this before our 3rd year annoversary and you'll be sitting here with me. I love you Sean with all my heart and soul! See you very soon babe!
Sam.
xoxox.

Out n About

Well I went out and about today and i took the kids to burger king and the dollar store, had fun. Some pics finally got sent out to my husband from Fred which is also awesome. My anxiety is terrible again today like usual. Chest pain, dizziness...you name it, I got it. Bullshit is all. I have to take my girls to the doc tomorrow because its Autumn's 9 molnth check up!Cant wait to see how much she weighs now! The poor thing rolled about 2.5 feet off the spare bed today, I felt like such a terrible ass...she conked her lil head, gotta keep an eye on her close for awhile but Im pretty sure that shes peachy so thats what counts. shes smily and full of energy like her usual little self so Im glad for that. Damnnear killed me when I saw shed fallen off onto the floor. I was so scared something terrible might have happened...I picked her up so fast...poor little hunny, its just so sad to see the little ones get hurt like that because there just so little and helpless and you feel so guilty. Well I am counting down the days until July 17th so I can see what happens at my hubbys court case! I really hope that it gets cleared up soon. Im sick of this no contact crap and I just miss him so much its killin' me inside. Our little girls are just going into daddy withdrawl. Hell I want that man back here more than anything...damn I love and am so IN LOVE with you Sean!! I wanna hold ya again babes! Im not going anywhere though I'll wait as long as it takes because your worth the wait....more than worth it *hugs n kisses* Cant wait till you can read all of these posts! Well I dont know much else what to say on here today...the girls got in a huge fight before bed and pulled hair and bit and like tortured eachother,lmao it was pretty funny. I dont even wanna know whats gunna happen when they BOTH are walking...Macky is but Autmn isnt yet ... man thats gunna be lotsa fun breaking up cat fights lol. Well thats really all....take care...
Sam.

My B-Day!!

Today is your hypo queen's birthday, just so yah know...whether ya care or not is completely upto you. Im having a huge hypo moment right now because My gramma took me shopping for two house plants I wanted and I brought them home,repotted them and than went to look up some care instructions for them on the net....and whilst doing so found that they're quite TOXIC...as in throat swelling,rash,respiratory problems,circulationm problems ...burning mouth and throat blindness to name a few! I cant believe these demons are in my house!! I also cant believe the nursery had them down so low where kids could get to them!!MENTAL!! Im gunna call them and give em a piece of my mind tomorrow thats for sure. The irresponsible bastards and I got two kids too....not so much as a warning on them or anything...and were soo close to the floor anyone coulda got to them...geez.Well I didnt get a hell of alot of birthday cards today for my birthday even though I get everyone else one...I got ONE card today! I got to spend it with my kids though :) which makes me super happy but my little Mackenzie has a rotten cough. Gotta get her some cough syrup tomorrow while Im out. Mom says shes got my birthday present for me tomorrow! YAY! The best present of all will be getting to touch and talk to my husband again soon though...spending my bday without him sucks...and tomorrow is our 2 year wedding anniversary.....which we will be separated for too. Im so upset about that... and damnn I hope hes atleast home for august 8th which is our 3 year anniversary of being together. I love and miss him soo much. I cant wait to hold ya again baby.

Went to the docs today and he said my throat looked fine and told me to get some cough syrup for the little one. She was so cute she stood between his knees and held his hand the whole time we were there, she loves Dr.Sohn for some reason, its adorable. He`s a good guy though so I can see why she takes a liking to him over some of her other doctors. I told him that Ive had nothing but bad reactions to the meds hes given me thus far so I denied another try to help with the flashbaks and nightmares of the rape incident. So he told me to try and go to the buddhist place downtown and meditate or learn to meditate on my own and sign up for yoga or something which I was thinking of doing anyways(the yoga thing, that is)....so I think I just might test that theory since Ive tested so many damned unsuccessful meds already. I hear my little girl coughing now over the baby monitor,so sad...poor hunny ... I hate when they hafta go through stuff like that. They`re just too tiny and innocent for that. Well not much else to say for today, just the typical heart attack, Im dying fit that I have every day and it sucks ass and now I have to put up with the fact that I,Unknowingly, bought toxic house plants,ughhh,probably gunna pitch em or give em to someone who enjoys toxic decorations. Well enough for now. Im gunna go and check my little girl...hearing her cough is so heartbreaking. Poor baby. Ciao for now,
Sam
ps: Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me,happpppy birthday dear meeee,happy birthday dear meeee ....haha peace out hypotown ;)

Im Exhausted!

I am soo exhausted. I went in to check on my girls at midnight lastnight and Autumn was awake sitting up and ready to play and have a midnight snack. She finally went back to sleep at 3:30am. Than Mackenzie slapped me in the side of the head at 5:30 'mamaaaa mamaaa'. Lol she went back to sleep at 6am and woke again at 7:30am. So practically no sleep for moi lastnight. So Im exhausted and the stress is really getting me because of that,lol, but I still love them dearly hehe, thats my lil angels. Its my birthday tomorrow, the BIG 22!!Haha! Sucks though that I gotta spend it without my husband:( But I still got my girlies to spend it with. So thats good. Wish Sean was here though. Im counting down the days until the prelim on the 17th of this month and Im hoping it all goes the way it should and that we can soon get back together and have him out of that shit hole referred to as Maplehurst!Ugh.
Well I dont really know what to type about tonight, Im exhausted and Im listening to music and tryna relax. So I'll tell ya how I feel now in hypo language ;)

Its like this...
My neck muscles are killing me and I am paranoid about that haha, my chest did some weird tightning thing a couple of times already today and I have been getting jaw and arm pain along with lightheadedness and nausea so Im freaking that Im having a heart attack as usual even though I know the odds are stacked up AGAINST that idea. As I mentioned its my birthday tomorrow and as a special present to myself I have a doctors appointment so I can go and express all of my ridiculous complaints and get yet some more peace of mind for a week atleast..(I say a week but it probably wont last much farther than the office exit door). Well thats all I got to say today ..ohh wait I forgot!i have shortness of breath too!So tonights prolly gunna be another ativan night ...my head hurts too. I know thats an aweful lot of ailments but hell what can I say in my mind thats what keeps it going I suppose. So I hope you all enjoyed my posting of the day regardless of how BoRiNg it was...*ooh the head and jaw pain and chest weirdness again* I cant wait till docs tomorrow and Im sure I'll have a post about how that went too! Take care and I'll ttyl guys.
Your hypo Queen,
Sam <3

ps: Love ya with all my heart and soul Sean, you'll be home again soon, I just know it!

Great Day and a Pissy Night...

So I had a wonderful day today, took my girls to the park and our doggy too. Had a good time....my sister and uncle and grammy came too, that makes it better. We spent over 2 hours out and it was a beautiful day out. Most of the day went relatively well. Than of course tonight happened....about an hour ago...

The sister of my husband and of his brother(who beautified my drink and took advantage of me as in RAPE) decided that she was going to try and tell me that IM the terrible person who wants to ruin lives because I called the cops on who we will call 'perv-man' to protect his identity(not that I want to but its for the better). So apparently now its unjustified to call the cops on a rapist simply because 'perv-man' denies it...(dont they all?)...Well all I can say is screw her and screw nayone who wants to try to fuck around with my life....have the nerve to say Im fucking with hers when I was a victim of a sadistic attack quite frankly...what does she know about life ruining. Than she went on rambling how she hates the way I treat her and her dad(never hurt them before,cept call the cops) and how she never liked me and how I never bring the kids up to see her....god damn they have the car whats there excuse?!And she wants to talk about decency she hasnt even so much as wrote my hubby(her beloved brother) a fucking letter in the 2 mos hes been in or joined his facebook support group. I deleted ALL of the losers now! I cant stand people of this type. I am now uberly convinced that they are all fucked.
I used to be nicey nice girl who wanted to make up with everyone and take their feelings into account even when they didn't take mine...but I think thats what makes my stress worse so from now on if ya wanna wrongly fuck with me anyone, bye bye because Im doing some serious spring clean up in my life. Byebye Sarah,Rob,Dean,Dan,Jazz,Liz,Courtney and whoever else wants to fuck with the hypo queen. Because ME AND MY FAMILY are my #1's and the friends who are actually friends. I have zero times for fakes and losers.

I'll end this with an I love you Sean Mackenzie and Autumn. I love the rest of my family and my true friends...always will. Especially you, Tracy, they dont come better than you as a friend and Valarie and Teresa. FUCK ALL THE PHONIES THOUGH!FUCK ALL THE LOSERS!FUCK ANYONE WHO WANTS TO ATTEMPT TO DETERIORATE ALL THAT I STAND FOR.

Im not perfect, Im a hypochondriac, Im guilty of many not so nice acts Im sure and I'll admit it. But Im a damn good mom,friend and I'll continue to stand strong with or without anyone by my side.You cant kick what doesnt fall down...so take your boots off! HELLO TRUTH, GOODBYE LIES.

Sam..

ps-hypo update lol, I got a sore in my mouth that freakin me out cause I think its cancer...so Im not totally sane yet...bahahahahaha, just thought Id add that for all you hypos to be sure that Im still hypo as ever and if I cant get ridda it I'll just make a joke of it and make me and you all laugh!Hypo ROCKS!

......xx again, Sam.

The Most Beautiful Flower :)

Time for some positive thoughts from your hypo queen. I have aquired what I believe to be one of if not THE most BEAUTIFUL flower I've ever laid my eyes upon..

Chrysanthemums, often called 'mums', are a genus (Chrysanthemum) of about 30 species of perennial flowering plants in the family Asteraceae, native to Asia and northeastern Europe.

Had to add a description and some pics....damn thing cost me 3 bucks for just one. DAMN, but shes beautiful!!.....that is until she shrivels up and goes brown in 5 weeks. But than Ill have another colored one to post pics that make me look scary. LOL had to add the one where I look like Im going bisurk(sp?) eating the flower haha! Hypo queen needs the humour and Im sure you guys love the laugh too. Well thats all for now folks and thanks once again for signing up for HYPO central and checking me out again. Tell all of your friends because afterall my fans keep me sane...and yes believe it or not although Im strange I am still LEGALLY sane. Lets keep it that way...bring me some more people so I can continue to amuse you all. This blog really helps me vent and makes me feel much better so Im glad I have you guys. Cant wait to see what the hubby says when he gets out and sees my funny ass blogs. It really is stress relieving. WoOt!

Talk later,

Your Hypo Senorita,

Sam ;)

Gunna clear up some things...

Okay, so John didnt block and delete me, he has just been away from the computer to better his anxiety and it turns out that my rude remark on his blog lost him a job...and it proves once again how I jump to conclusions. Afterall thats why my beloved husband is sitting in the clinker right now. So now I can definitely see it clearer thats for damned sure. So once again John, Im sorry. Everything has been getting to me lately and I just dont take chances on trusting or giving anyone the benefit of the doubt because on June 19th when I Gave the hubbys brother that, it didnt get me very far very fast...well it did but not in the direction one would hope for.
Well my throat still gosh darn hurts like a biznatch and everyone keeps telling me to go to the doctors so Im going to go on Monday to see him,lol. And reluctantly to because for once in my life I actually have been avoiding going(weird for my hypo self, I usually love that place). But on a differnt opinion the reason Im not going isnt because I dont absolutely adore the doctors office but because my hyponess has taken the dirty road and Im convinced Im going to be diagnosed with a sickning illness...niccce....you can do the rest of the math!

Figured it out..

My 'friend' John decided to block and delete me from everything. I dont need to be used and chucked at anyones earliest convenience when Ive done nothing but try my best to help. To hell with you if you wanna be an inconsiderate asshole John.

Its been a month...EXACTLY!

Ok so its been exactly ONE month since I did ANY sort of updating on this blog which Im sure you all dont care either way lol but I do. My hubby is going for a preliminary hearing on July 17th and it is sounding like the charges will get thrown out, atleast thats what we are all hoping for. Having a no contact order sucks since only other people can talk to him EVEN on MY phone which I pay for but I cant even account for ANY of those calls....but hey it feels good just to know that somebody is talking to him to help him bide his time in there and for me to atleast know that he is okay...thats the main thing for me. Other than that I just wanna work on getting him out and home to me and our 2 beautiful daughters who miss him as much as he does us. DAMN my fucking anxiety for putting him in there to begin with. Now lets talk a little about my anxiety and how thats going considering I know that thats what everyone wants updates on...Im going to switch colours now to start the hypo freak update ... lmfao.

Okay so first and foremost I gotta ask, JOHN my hypo friend where the HELL have you dissapeared to?GOD damn who or what made you dissapear all of a sudden. Hopefully nothing bad has happened to you and hopefully you didnt get overwhelmed and put into a padded room or something from having a hypo moment(cause heyy bro I know a couple people who'd do that to me). Joking okay but on a serious note...if you see this and are reading it at some point atleast tell me that your alive. Like damnnn send a smoke signal or something.HAHA.

Well my hypochondria is pretty unstable at the moment unfortunately because of everything that has went on and on top of all that I have an undisclosed being who decided to take it upon himself to get sexually friendly with me against my will and I was too looped to do anything about it. Love the drugs especially when your like me and dont do them unless someone feeds them to you in a beverage. Your going to hell for that buddy,why would you? Thats been killing me but it has been dealt with ... well its in the right process of being dealt with atleast. SO that and my hubbys court has been really stressing me because now Ill have two court cases to deal with....hoping my hubby gets out and hoping my other friend goes in. And I mean friend VERY saracastically. But enough of that Im sure you all want to know what has been actually happening specifically WITH my hypochondria. Well I get chest pains all the time again...and you get it surely heart disease. I get flashbacks from my unfortunate moment, surely my body shutting down from a stroke, again you get it. And now I have aquired a sore throat which has been harassing me on and off for about a week accompanied by some little minor bump in my left tonsil which you get it is surely convincing me I have cancer. On top of all that my successes with avoiding medical advice and self diagnosis on the internet has come to a screeching crash and burn. I have been looking at all the diseases and fatal illnesses and everything all over again on top of that Im obsessed with the future of my family because of the effects of the rape. Ive been stressed to wits end about how many people get off on rape charges and am very fearful of having him return into my life again some how. Scary shit I'll tell ya. I constantly experience flashbacks, constantly fear for my safety from him and think hes around,have nightmares and convince myself even though hes a couple hours away that hes gunna barge down my hallway any minute and get me or get me while Im sleeping. I donno how much more I can take peeps. Be Right Back, going to go check on my daughter.

Feels like my life is over but really its just beginning with a very rough start, Ive been in several relationships in my life and thought some were love. But I think that even though we have had our ups and downs that By far Ive never truly experienced love until now with my husband Sean. This situation we have where my stupidity put him in jail has actually helped me define how much he means to me in reality and how much he means to this family. It has showed me that my life is definitely not better off without him and that after all our stupid little arguements and wanting to leave eachother at times I know now how much we are meant to be together, it took this...us being apart...forcefully separated to find this out. Dont get me wrong I knew I loved him always but not until this did I realize how much it really meant, how in love with him I really was, how much he means to our daughters and how incomplete things feel with him not around. It has given me the strength I needed all through this to fight because I have no doubts now that this is SERIOUSLY worth fighting for. He's my EVERYTHING!!!I just wanna shout it to the world.And of course my children are my everything too, my darling little girls..mommy loves you with all her heart and soul and daddy too!!

Just had to get that out. *sigh* I want him home so bad man. Its hurting me so bad...to not have him here and to witness the hurt in my two little angels' eyes when he never comes home anymore and they cant understand whats going on and maybe think in there precious little brains hes gone for good. When Mackenzie my oldest whos 21 mos looks at her dads picture and says 'all gone' to me and cries. When Autumn our youngest 9 mos says 'dada' and cries for him...ohh the pain Im tellin ya.

I guess I might as well tell you too that I got a new tatty of 3 lillies with my 3 most important peoples names around them on my calf; Sean(my hubby),Mackenzie and Autumn(our precious baby girls). Even though I had a blood poisoning and AIDS scare lmao...it was totally worth it. One of the most awesome decisions I ever made, never regret it, <3

Well I might just start updating this daily even if only for a short while because I want my baby(Sean) to be able to read it when he gets out so he can see how much he means to me on top of me expressing it of course hehe. Well talk to you guys later and thanks for reading if you actually did....

Sincerely,

"The Hypo Queen"

Sam.

ps: the tat was just done on june 26th and i took the pic just now so its kinda scabby lmao but itll give u an idea...awesome comment away!